I cannot begin to tell you all how PSYCHED I am about
summer!!! Well, spring out here
continues to be just simply freaking amazing.
Beautiful. Hypnotizing. The weather is more than anyone could ask
for... and the scents and sounds of nature around here never fail to intoxicate
me. It seems to me, that each and every
spring is even more of a gift and a miracle than the one before.
First, (to get the “bad” news out of the way, if it can
really even be called that, so I can get to, and focus on the certainly good things to come...) a quick update
on the current state of my health. I
continue to struggle with the chronic pain/weakness that the Guillain Barré
Syndrome experience has left me with, and my new neurologist does not seem to
think that I’ll progress any further toward the healing from it. (That is, damage that my nerves and body have
incurred since June of 2008.) However, I
continue to be optimistic on that subject, I don’t believe for a second that I
won’t progress any further than where I am now.
I still plan to regain my old spry physique and energetic self and mind,
as soon as possible. ;-) I realize now
that it may take time. I realize now
that it may take a lot more time than I would like. However, as mentioned, and I will do so into
infinity, that there is no way in Hades, (say such a horrid place existed,
which I also don’t believe for a
second) that I would agree to the idea that I will never get any better than I
am now. I still can’t run, or jump or
carry Béla around like I used to, like I’d like to, still use a cane, I still
exhaust too easily, sleep a whole lot, and still need a lot of help doing
everyday things. BUT... (butbutbutbut)
there is new evidence on the front that suggests that there may be other, and
possibly even somewhat new, things at play, in my feeling the way that I have
been feeling.
In my most recent visit to my doctor (my general
practitioner), it was suggested that I ought to have a whole slew of basic lab
work done. Nothing out of the ordinary,
really, (he has been known to have me go through all of that time and again
since my... 2008 affliction) except that I am still not sleeping worth a crud,
and still dealing with an inordinate amount of back pain. (They tried x-rays to look for scoliosis,
tests for fractured/herniated things, and so on and so forth, to no
avail.) So... he prescribed this
overnight sleep test thingy that I had to wear on my finger, to see if there
was something amiss as to my lack of sleep.
That, and he then also recommended a really great specialist
gynecological practitioner, so that I could get absolutely everything checked out oh-so-thoroughly. So I did the overnight ox reading finger thingy
to test for sleep disorders (possible sleep apnea, etc.). Tuesday, I went for my annual pap exam, to
that really good doctor, and finally, the same day, I went for my (now) annual
mammogram. (I’d highly recommend having
it done, annually too, if you are about that age these days. They’ll tell you every two, but do some
research, and you might find as I did, that doing it every year could be much
better and safer in the long run.) So,
mammogram done, check. Pap done,
check. Labs, finger ox-pulse thingy,
check check. But...... while at the
gyno, something unexpected was discovered.
(I’ve never had so much as an irregular pap.) He found a few things that were mildly (okay
pretty) concerning, to him, and to me.
Since having Béla, the size of my uterus has grown, quite a lot. (Dang Hungarian babies. Ha ha.) Also, due to
the rather rough nature of the birth, it... tilted, and was set askew. And, apparently, it continues to tilt. (At the risk of getting too personal here,
you may feel free to skip over the next few paragraphs if you are at all
squeamish, though I promise it won’t be anything to icckky. It’s mostly just stuff that happens to a lot
of woman after they give birth. Lol.) So,
with the larger size and odd position of my uterus these days, it has,
apparently, been pressing quite dramatically, directly upon my back.
BINGO! AHA! Light bulb!
He even asked me, during the ultrasound... “Uhm... does your back ever
hurt?” (Does it!? Sheesh!) And thus... we may have found the actual
culprit for my awful back pain of the last couple of years! So... due to the discovery of all of that, and
also with the addition of a few other things that he found; numerous larger
{benign though they are, still concerning} fibroids, an askew bladder which
needs some fixing, etc, etc... he suggested that in a few years, I may wish to
consider a hysterectomy. He said I could
live with all of this, but that it would get worse. (A few more years of this?) I asked,
wellll... what if just I did it
now? Was that something we could
consider doing? And... He said, that he
would really, actually recommend that.
Why? Because... well, because of numerous
factors. The tilting of the uterus, the
size of it and possible continued growth, the probable continuous growing of
the fibroids, and on and on... would likely continue to cause me problems, and
surely continue to cause me pain. (Whattt??? No!) So... what, was it that doing this could
possibly ELIMINATE that pain, and all of the problems associated with these
issues? Why, yes, in fact, yes... it surely could. It is not guaranteed, of course (when is
surgery ever?) ... but when I talk to, think of, and really feel the insides of
my own body... it truly, honestly feels like it is suggesting that this is the
right and only thing to do. And man, there would be so much less worry,
monthly and otherwise, if I were to just do this sooner than later, he said. So the solution? After the music fest in July here at home...
I am damn well doing it! I’m planning to
undergo a total hysterectomy (where they take out the entire uterus). They will also do some things to fix my
bladder, (“tacking it,” he said it was called) removing even more issues...
(like getting up a zillion times a night to potty... and so on) The really, really great news? I could
potentially feel TONS better, after I heal from this operation. It’s a given, though, that it will take me some time to heal from
this, and that such an operation could be more difficult for me, potentially,
with my current residual conditions, but... whew! The thought of (potentially) no more awful
lower back pain? No more birth
control? No worry of uterine/cervical
cancer? No more periods????? Whew.
It sounds too good to be true. I
think the risks far outweigh the benefits.
Of course, I’m still doing some research just to make absolutely sure...
but I am pretty much 99% sure I am going to be going through with this.
Okay... so yes, I have decided to do this. The dates are already set. One more appointment for pre-op (July 18th),
then a few days later, the operation (July 23rd will start really
early morning). Barring no difficulties, it should even be an outpatient
procedure. I have been pretty at peace
with the decision not to have any more children, shortly after Béla was born,
so that will not be an issue for me, mentally.
(I could still adopt.) Also, they
won’t be removing my ovaries/fallopian tubes at this time, so it won’t throw me
into premature menopause, and I won’t have to take hormone replacements. (Thus, it shouldn’t slow down the sex drive!
Lol. As if.) So... I am ready!
Okay... So then this is how the next part of how my Tuesday
went... (if you can believe this) Just
after the visit to the gyno, and filled with THAT revelation, mom & I took
Béla to the playground for a bit in West Plains. (Beautiful place!) While she was playing on
the jungle gym, I got a phone call from my regular doctor’s office (Dr.
Roberts), from his nurse, telling me that some of those aforementioned labs had
come back irregular. I had an irregular
thyroid reading! (Ugh!) Hypothyroidism,
apparently. (Well, hell... and THAT
explains a lot, too!) So, they started
me on thyroid meds, right away, that day.
In two months they’ll check me out again, and see what they need to do
from there. They may raise, lower or
discontinue the meds overall. Most
likely I’ll have to take them indefinitely.
So basically... an underactive thyroid can be the cause of so many
things that I have been struggling with lately, too; that severe tiredness
(chronically, and all of the damn time!), that sluggishness & lack of
energy, the weight gain and trouble
keeping I off even if I do loose it (aha!!!), and oh, so much more. So I did some digging, some research, and
before freaking out about this, I found that this medication could actually
help me in oh so many ways... and so... what the heck... these things combined,
might actually help FIX ME again!!!!
Sure, I’ll still potentially have to deal with the affects of the GBS
for who knows how long... (pain/weakness etc) or maybe even forever (doubtful) but
imagine... I could at least be full of
energy again, not so full of pain, or extra... erm... flab, and I could regain
my happy mood and disposition again... Wow.
In all, holy hell, I could become, again, somewhat of a normal,
person!!!!! (Is it true? Is it possible???) I am just slightly nervous about these new
discoveries, and the surgery and the new meds, but in all, I am really, really relieved to find out that there
were some things that were pretty amiss that I wasn’t aware of, until now. SO, I am, looking forward to the future, in a
whole new way, today!!!
(Okay enough of THAT!)
I am getting psyched about the upcoming music festival in
July... and PSG... and still about working on our cob house and my CD... though
I realize that some of those things will be possibly put on hold while I
recover for those few weeks in later July.
All of this means that I am going to have to have more help than ever, working toward the goal of getting the walls
up and the roof on to my home by fall.
So... I NEED HELP. I need to sell
this box trailer, ASAP, get Béla and I a reliable vehicle, ASAP, and get a crew
together for the next work weekend, ASAP.
We’ll be working on the new cob house, working on getting ready for the
July festival, working on cleaning up, and all sorts of things, during these
weekends. We can have so much fun doing
this. But I DO need help. So this is my call to the universe! If you want to come out to Wolvenwold to help
us, then please, let me know. We could
really, really use the xtra hands this summer.
I am going to do what I can from here, on
computer/website/registration/etc types of things, scheduling work weekends and
gathering the right supplies... I just need the hands and the strong arms to
help see it all into existence. I know
it seems like a lot of goals, big ones and many... but it can and will be done,
all of it, eventually.
I am going to be asking the Universe for a lot of favors in
the near future... and any and all of the healing mojo, power, thoughts and
intentions from you all that you can brew up can and will undoubtedly help me,
too. So, good vibes, thoughts, healing
energies, and suggestions... bring ‘em on!
I’m going to be needing some bodywork, too... so let me know if you have
some to trade or offer... (And oh! I am
so wanting to get back into DOING it too... both body and energy work. I feel that the exchange of energy is
invaluable in healing both parties... but that will be have to be slowly and
probably in the not-too-distant future as well.
Still, it’s something that I’ve been thinking of a lot lately.)
I am currently working on the updates to the Wolvenwold
website, and getting info gathered about all of the awesome performers that
will be coming out here for that. We
have just an amazing staff lined up, and some pretty amazing guests and
workshops and things planned, too. All
of the energy that comes forward for this event will go right back into helping
this land... (the roads are already becoming more smooth and drivable as we
speak!) the showers will be fixed and improved, we may build another compost
potty, and the stage will be fixed and the supports strengthened. All of this is possible and will happen, but
we need your help making it so.
So... if you feel nature (or Wolvenwold) calling you, and/or
you need a mission... we have a place for you here during a weekend or more! I would love to see just the right group of
people come together out here and see these dreams into realities... and give
people the chance to rejuvenate, reconnect, and learn something incredible and
new in return. I am still planning to
get out to Oregon at some point with the family (or alone) and get that
apprenticeship for cob and earth building so I can be a right proper teacher...
that is such a big dream right now. Send
me energy to help me be able to complete my dreams... physically, emotionally,
mentally and financially... and I will happily do the same for you in return!
Happy and positively anticipating the next few steps on this
path... and hoping that it contains a lot of what I expect and dream of
accomplishing on its travels, yet also many fine surprises and challenges and
unexpected gifts, just the same.
Hey, you know the saying.
“What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger,” yet also wiser, happier, and
more amazing by the day. May all of your
learning experiences and challenges be steps toward your best life and your
best existence, ever!
